So you may be wondering how I got here

I've decided to clear up a question that many of you probably have: What has brought me to this point in my life where I felt I needed to leave America and save Sea Turtles in Mexico? So for the good amount of people now reading my blog that weren't with me during the month of August 2007 and my first semester at Temple University, I would like to explain how I got here. This is something I've thought about alot. Before, when it felt like this trip was running away from hurt, I felt I was constantly justifying my trip. Now I see that although it was an escape route to begin with, it has blossomed into something so beautiful and life-changing, I can't even express how happy I am to be learning and living here. With the support of my Mom and Dad, both of my wonderful brothers, and the rest of my family and friends who have shown me nothing but enthusiastic support, am I here now writing to you all.

I guess the idea that I wanted to do something that was completely the opposite of what I had planned, hatched upon my break-up with the first serious (or legit as we say) boyfriend. Yeah insert whatever comments you please, but it honestly did change my life. This happened at the beginning of August while on vacation. Naturally I was a mess of emotion from pissed off and vengeful to broken and silent. No one around me really knew what to do or say except sit with me on Stag Island's pretty beach. I hated myself and him and felt like I had just lost the most important part of my life within a minute of phone conversation.
My mom had called the next day from PA to just see what was going on. She asked how Canada was doing so innocently, I erupted into little-girl-wanting-her-mommy tears and told her everything. Her voice was so soothing, I feel like it's a tone only a mother can take with her daughter when she is in hardcore pain. She could verbalize each emotion I had experienced throughout that day but also that there was another side and that I would get through it. My relationship with my Mom hadn't felt whole or happy for a very long time until this phone conversation. What no one could really say during those fragile days, my Mom expressed to me during this first of many phone conversations that helped more than I could ever reiterate. I know that without my break-up, the relationship and realization of love I wanted with my mom wouldn't have happened for God knows how long. At the rate our relationship reconstruction had been going, it could have very well been years. The love those around me in Canada and those who awaited my return home showed me was so strong and helped so much. One of my best friends even sped (as per usual) to my house to just be with me, before I said anything other than "we broke up."
After a few days, I knew I had to do something. Whether it was running away to Vancouver, Canada (becoming a certified event-planner at their Art-Insitute) or changing schools entirely (cleaning up my portfolio and applying to Moore College in Philadelphia), I knew I had to be doing something other than going to Temple U. Something that could keep my mind and heart occupied, when it just hurt.
Both my idea to go to Vancouver (way too radical) and applying to Moore College of Art and Design, a cultivated plan with the help of the glorious Olivia and momma Sutton-Smith, didn't happen for various reasons. Either ridiculous or impossible without an adequate portfolio. Although I would like to thank Joanne for all of the talks and tea she shared with me during my time at home last Fall. She is such a strong woman, proudly standing by her babies, hubby, and friends in times of pain and happiness, never missing a beat to give a hug, make you a beautiful card, or write a poem. I feel so blessed to know her and thank her a million times over for everything she has done for me.
I did go to Temple U, however, when move in day arrived. I moved in at the end of August and found myself paired with a very mild mannered and lovely roommate. I spent most of my time at class, at Leela's, or at the gym. I was running 3 miles more than every other day on a post-break up diet (that is..very little in my tum tum), and was going to bed by 11. This is pretty good, minus my "diet", for a college student.
Regardless of my new independence and dedication to my physical state, i still didn't like myself. I found myself constantly having destructive thoughts over things that had happened in my past relationship or things that were happening with my new crush. I was angry that I thought so much and just wanted to be in a mentally quiet place. This is when I started to really dedicate time into my World Religions class. I was going on field trips to Mosques, Buddhist Temples, and frequented a Meditation Center in the city. I was starting to find peace in learning about different cultures. I loved people and found it to be a new source of happiness. Something I hadn't felt during my senior year of high school. I spent most of my time with the person who knew me best, and ignored, like most young peeps my age who have a serious boyfriend, just about everybody else. Even now I can't say I regret doing that. I'm surrounded by people now who stuck it out through all of my crap and know that they are the ones who will love and support me to the end.

Learning was something i found peace in, so I wanted to pour whatever I had left into it. I was starting to work on my research paper which I had decided would be about Buddhism, both reformed and conservative. It was a brilliant assignment and pushed me outside of my comfort zone. The class, to say the least, changed my life. If you go to Temple University, I'm sure there are many brilliant professors who teach this course (or a similar one), but Professor Leonard Swidler was my professor and I owe a great deal to him for my experience in his class. He's awesome. PAX!

All of these different realizations, soul-searching experiences, and assignments I had during the Fall were all leading up to this. About a week before Thanksgiving, I was feeling expecially down. I enjoyed my World Religion class, but felt my general courses were wasting my time and in no way contributing to my self-growth (often times..they really aren't designed to help you in that way, only to get you a required few credits..i know, awesome, right?) Anyway, I was frustrated with the system. The man was getting to me and I wanted to just shake everything up and see what was in store for me next. At this point, by the way, I had become interested in Drexel University. Philly is great and Drexel's Interior Design program seemed to be what I wanted, so I was really trying to get over there the next year to continue my education. Something still didn't click though. The school's curriculum seemed so organized and perfect yet I still felt like I wouldn't be happy somehow. I wanted it to go away so I thought by just sticking it out, I would find reassurance that Drexel was the best option and that my happiness awaited me there. I sat down with my Dad that weekend and just started talking. He's really good at talking. Perhaps a little more reserved to an outsider, but he's a silly and wonderful man I'm proud to call my Dad. I told him I was un happy at Temple and didn't want to live there. I mentioned maybe commuting from home would be better and that I could just stick out the second semester there so when I transferred, I wouldn't be "behind" with the number of credits I had gotten that year. "Behind", as my Dad quickly pointed out, is self defined. No school or Professor or parent can ever tell you you're behind after you get out of high school. It's up to you. My Dad then proceeded to ask a question that will be with me until I die. "Why would you stay there if you aren't happy?" As Virgos often do, I thought of a million reasons why I should continue there, but none of them seemed to justify why I would voluntarily remain unhappy for the next 4 months. It's my life afterall. So an "I don't know" was my final answer. I sat there, feeling frustrated and defeated for a good while when from a desperate part within me, I finally said something logical. "I would be happier saving Sea-Turtles, Dad, than going back to Temple..."

So with a smile, Dad said, "Don't count that idea out."

This conversation is so vividily locked into my head. From the moment I said anything about sea turtles that night, I knew something had changed. It was that thing I had been waiting for. That moment of change where I could pack my bags and get out of here for a little while to find happiness. From my mentioning of the idea, I had almost expected a little bit of hesitation from my Mom or friends but was instead bombarded with "that sounds freakin awesome, do it. do it now." My mom and Dad were so gung ho about me going on my little journey, it left little space for my mind to fill intself with doubts. I now had a job to do. and it didn't include finals.

The original idea had been to go down with two board members of the Tecolutla Turtle Preservation Project, a non-profit started 5-ish years ago by Laura Kiehner with the support of her husband Scotty. This trip would take place in the middle of February for approximately 5 days. The two board members, among others members who couldn't make this trip, were my Dad, the almighty Pete Bretz, and Lazaro Herrera. I would go down in February and stay until the beginning of July when I would be returning to Cancun anyway. This seemed too unreal a time-frame to be away from my family. I was the girl at camp who got homesick and going away for 5 months, even at 18, didn't seem realistic. Within the next month however, the 5 month period made it's way down to 2 months, April and May-the busiest months of the turtle season. This was a time period I felt I could do. Still, 8 weeks is a very long time away from your family, and with a language barrier, I assumed it would feel even longer, but as I've come to realize..this really is my family. They care for me just as they care for their daughter and never once have I felt alienated. Maybe a little uncomfortable, but never like I wasn't loved. The character of the group I am with every day is unmatchable and makes me smile.
There is a really awesome quote from Eat, Pray, Love that when I read, I felt like I was reading a mirror into my thoughts and the thoughts of my family: "Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it."
Mexico isn't around the world geographically but culturally it is a whole new world. And a brilliant new world at that.